Kinda wondering , why other girls in my age can enjoy their life so fully and so carefree
while i can't ...
Every time when i home it's just feel like I'm back to my troubles place ..
Shouting here and there , problem here and there ...
Seriously , there's a lot of thing i wanted , but i don't dare to ask anymore as i
know it's will cause a burden ...
Living with a mask everyday , is what I'm doing so often ...
I'm able to cheer others up by why not myself ?
Why am i being so different from other , we're of the same age yet
I'm living so differently ...
Trying real hard to help out , in the end ?
I failed ...
Regretted why in the past i didn't went to school and study properly .
And now ? i gotta spend additional two week in school just to get myself promoted .
Sometime i really do wonder , shall i just just gave up on my studies and went off to
work to decrease the burden of the family now or shall i continue to study and increase their
burden for now and repay them back in the future ...
Till now , my answer is still a blank ...
Brother tears drop the other day , follow by mine .
Realize that I'm being such a useless person all the while ...
So what if I'm working now ? I can't even earn enough for myself ...
I'm tired also , but what can i do ?
How i wish i can just bring back a few thousand of
cash to clear my house expenses one day .
Seeing family member face fill with troubles and sadness has make me feel more
like a failure ...
All i wish is a peaceful family with happiness not a family that wonder when will
the electricity be gone , when will the internet be gone , and when will the house be gone ...
Is that so hard ?
I know as compared to other I'm considered a lucky follow because i still know
where I can go back to ...
But I'm afraid of when this home of mine will be gone ...
Although every time i told other if there's a will , there's a way but
when is my way coming to find me ? .
How i wish i can go back to the past when I'm still a child who doesn't have to worry
about all this things ...
But still one word true from my heart ,
Pa , i never ever blame you for letting me go through all this , instead I'm grateful
because you raise me up while knowing that I'm not your own daughter ..
Thank you for letting me accompany you to go through this together ...